Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
