Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
