hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
