He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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