Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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