girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
