So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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