Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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