I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
