why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
