I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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