im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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