I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Drake has all the answers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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