so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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