I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
