Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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