she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
