allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
