WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
