you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
