I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
