Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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