Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
