areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
