if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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