I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
