yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
