Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
