I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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