you win again, gameday.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
