he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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