Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
