I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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