I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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