Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
