Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
