I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
