You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
