FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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