She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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