I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
