oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
