I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
