do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
