don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
