Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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