i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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