I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
