Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize