Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
