Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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