All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
