THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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