I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
