So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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