A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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