Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
