Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
