My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
