walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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