On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
