think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
