Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
